Wife+Baby= break from reefing?

[tunicata]

Soooo...wife and I are hoping to start attempting to bring another baby into the world probably this time next year.

In our discussions about this...my wife says that she does not feel that having a tank (I have an 80g 4x2x16) and the amt of resources I need for it (i.e. pantry holds my 44g brute and I have a go to shelf of NECESSARY tank items) on the same level as a baby is conducive to a SAFE environment for a kid.

I personally believe that the kid is going to be a detriment to the tank not the other way around!!!!

We live in a 2 bdrm apartment in bk (which means, I'll lose my office to a nursery too). We are not going to be able to afford a house or duplex apt. any time soon.

So, we had a huge argument because her decree essentially says that in 2 years when the baby arrives (hopefully) I can't have my tank.

We eventually got to a compromise that I can down grade to the 24g and put in in a far off corner of the LR or ...put it in a closet where only I can see it...(she doesn't like the tank anyway, regardless of a baby).


So, what would you do?
I could simply not have a kid and have that be a point of resentment/issues for the next 60+ years

I could deal with the compromise and work harder to afford a bigger space

But then do I spend the time and energy into making my current tank amazing? Like...I want to build a DIY ATI Powermodule or a MH+T5 fixture, and finally install a CO2 Reactor and get my sps back again from my summer fallout.
Is 2 year build up worth it if I have to tear it down anyway????


1st world problems? I know but...this an insomnia are my current issues.

 

[rookie07]

Lose the tank in the next 10-16 months. Happy wife = happy life

Talk to her in 3-4 years about another tank.

 

[evoIX_Reefer]

Everyone's case is different. I honestly never planned any of my sons (the best thing that ever happened to me). Yet, I have maintained a tank almost every step of the way. The one thing that got me was all that + finishing up college.

That's the only real time a break was needed. A child is a huge expense and takes A LOT of time.

The hobby will never leave so you can always downsize while the kid is young (takes up the most resources) and upgrade after say 2-3 when the kid is more self sufficient and isn't taking up $$$ on diapers, milk, clothes, etc.

This allows you to also do a huge plan of a comeback tank.

A child will definitely change your outlook in life for the better. Just have to remember not to strangle them when they are making you go insane.

I told the wife I would sell for the time being but when it was time to get back in....it's freaking on! She saw the compromise and accepted it....also in the back her mind hoping it wouldn't end up happening.

 

[b-ridge]

Wow. Tough choice. Seems to me that your the only one compromising. I have 3 kids amd I have always had fish tanks. Saltwater for the last 3 years thanks to my youngest child my daughter. She saw the movie nemo and it was over. Next thing I know I was in petco the following day or 2 spending thousands of unnecessary dollars.
I remember nights with my kids and they would cry and not go to sleep. We would spend hours in front of the fish tanks until they stopped crying and fell asleep. I couldn't of done it without my fish tanks.
The greatest thing is how much children/kids absorb things even when you think there not paying attention or listening. I would sit up with my daughter for hours just babbling. Now her friends come over the house and she can explain what every fish is. Every coral. The purpose of the snails and crabs. What the cleaner shrimp do and what there for. She's not too interested in the hardware but she knows what the purpose of every piece of equipment is. She did daddy proud the one day we were at a lfs and I was looking at a fish. I heard her ask one of the workers if the fish I was looking at was reef safe. The worker told her no amd she immediately ran over to me and said daddy don't even think about it anymore. I asked her why not knowing I overheard her and she told me the fish wasn't reef safe. She didn't need the fish eating up all the corals that WE work so hard for to get. WE I was thinking. Couldn't help to laugh and even brought a tear to my eyes.
Good luck

 

[BioMan]

I'd say a bigger tank is harder to knock over, less likely to get bored and a way for kids to learn responsibility THEREFORE it's a must you keep the tank or rent a small studio apt somewhere and build a 300 gal!

 

[Mattl22]

Don't get rid of the tank Just keep it running and agree to a budget on it !
My son loves the tank an 80 gal isn't that big ditch the brute for 2 5 gal buckets get rid all the extra crap....


Throw some xeina in the tank and just let it do its thing when ur ready to get back in it will be there ready to go

 

[Silkyslim]

Talk to her about the benefits. My infant daughter loves staring at my 90 gal. It actually calms her down and it's better than putting her in front of a tv.

I think you are gonna have to be more creative on where you keep your reefing equipment. That's the biggest hassle with children/significant others.

Either way good luck.

 

[arnaldolex]

keep the tank bro just get rid of something you dont need and make space dont down grade or put it in a closet you cant enjoy something like that how big is your tank and she needs to consider your hobbie to thats not fare for you, you work and bust your *** so you need this lol

 

[lnevo]

Before my second son was born I made a bug push to automate. Got a swabbie and skimmate locker, auto feeder, etc. i still spend a decent amount of time but at least its by choice now

 

[SI REEF]

Keep the tank until the kid is is born. It will make a nice size crib. fill it again when the baby can walk.

 

[ssminnow81]

It'll be hard the first two years or so but then the baby will love it. My wife doesn't mind as much anymore because my kids are so into it. My 4 year old actually knows the names of all different fish now even some coral. I'm actually going through a downgrade now to make the basement a playroom (no more mancave) but it's ok.

Maybe if u down grade a lil, maybe a 60 cube or something and get rid of the brut containers she won't be as worried about space

 

[JARRETT SHARK]

wear the pants keep the tank!!
lol

 

[ssminnow81]

Another option is telling ur wife....
"If my weekend consists of a fish store and a water change you should be happy. At least I don't go out drinking anymore."

 

[Arnaldo24]

wear the pants keep the tank!!
lol

+1 Lol
I hear u bro it can be hard just to think about it. I was in the same boat but i did the opposite. I upgraded while the wife was pregnant. Lol
Is hard specially cuz u will not have as much time to dedicate to ur tank cuz u need time to be a dad.
U gonna have to work around it. Im doing water changes on saturdays at 6am and do all my maintenance so when the fam wakes up im ready to whatever
It is hard trust me i know. My son is 4 months now but im hanging in there.
I get a great satisfaction looking at my son staring the tank .

By the way CONGRATS!!! Life changing decision for the better.

 

[lnevo]

Seriously the smiles my son gets looking at the tank...its priceless. Nevermind that I can't check the skimmer while he's nearby..he hears the stand door getting open from the other end of the house..

 

[ReefLord]

I had a 90 gallon and an infant and a toddler in a 2 bedroom apartment in brooklyn. (they are 4 months and almost 3 years. I concentrate on low maintenance corals and filter feeders, and I bought a lion fish and a fox face rabbitfish to discourage me from putting hands in the tank too much.

 

[Nandez13]

You can tell her how smaller tanks can be more work sometimes due to system instability. It'd be more reasonable and less work to put a 40 gal cube in the corner of the living room :lol2:

 

[saltwaterinbrooklyn]

To each his own! I have 3 kids and managed to stay in the hobby, remember that the reef is your hobby , it's what you do on your time! Never let go of the ( you time!!) my wife loves the reef and wants a bigger tank, my kids never care for it much and never meddle in my equipment , just childproof your cabinets.......... But if you have to choose , go with the kids........they are more rewarding than any reef anyone has ever built , it's a no brainer William , and it's never worth fighting over.

 

[reefer4eva]

i was in the same situation before my my son was born and i had to break down my tank due to moving to a bigger place and figured i would get out of the hobby as i had more important priorities.i ended up giving away just about everything till i was left with 2 clownfish.well...that was until my wife begged me not to get rid of them.to be honest with you Will i had a really hard time with my son when he was an infant and it was my reeftank that kept him calm(even till this day and he is 3 now)and the same goes with my daughter she loves to stare at the fish..

 

[tunicata]

thanks for all of the support and the sharing guys.
I think I am going to try and take the time and ensure my tank stuff 'leaves no trace'.
I already brought things I don't need for now down to the storage unit, and now just have to tie up a few loose ends.

Hopefully that helps and in less than 2 years, I wont have to make the compromise.

Of course, I will pick a kid over a tank. I can break down and restart at any time.

Surely, I'll be more financially able to after more time passes anyway.

Lol, this is even more incentive to work hard, so that in addition to a family, I can have something as a hobby.

Thanks again folks.