Do What? (a redneck saying that is growing old real fast)

[JT]

I think we need to have a stupid customer of the day thread or rant, this one takes home the cracker jack prize for the day:

:: rolls eyes ::

Customer: How do you keep your tanks so clear?

Me: Just regular maintenance.

Customer: Well, my son here got himself this here fish tank for Christmas and it's only been up a month and all fish but 4 are dead.

Me: Describe to me what the water looks like.

Customer: Do what?

Me: Is the water hazy?

Customer: Do what?

Me: Is the water cloudy?

Customer: I reckon so.

Me: What size tank is it?

Customer: I dunno, it looks kinda like this tank here. *points to a 10g*

Me: Ok, so you have a 10-gallon, only been setup for a month, how many fish did you loose?

Customer: 24

Me: And you still have 4 left?

Customer: Ayup

Me: Well, that's too many fish to be putting in a tank that size. Have you done a water change at all?

Customer: Do what?

Me: Every couple of weeks you need to do a water change.

Customer: I add distilled water from K-Mart all the time.

Me: That's not technically a water change, every couple of weeks you need to take about 10% of the water out and replace it.

Customer: So I just dump it out and add new?

Me: Well, you also need to vacuum the gravel to get rid of all the waste.

The customer then turns to her son and says "aww, hell boy.. that's too much work, let them die and put a hampster in there" and she walked out.

Can't educate the ones who refuse to be educated. :? :roll:

- Uncle Yankee

Do what?

 

[Anonymous]

http://www.reefs.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=82623

 

[Anonymous]

double post

 

[ichthyman]

Customer "Are seahorses saltwater?"

Me "Lets look at the word seahorse. It is S-E-A as in a large body of salty water not S-E-E as in see the horse run. So yes, SEAhorses are a saltwater fish."

 

[nanocat]

JT, you have my sympathy and permission to drink on the job

 

[Anonymous]

heh he needs your permission?

 

[JennM]

Customer "Are seahorses saltwater?"

Me "Lets look at the word seahorse. It is S-E-A as in a large body of salty water not S-E-E as in see the horse run. So yes, SEAhorses are a saltwater fish."

"Y'all got any sea-fishes?"

I have been asked that one.

Also, a man was astonished to find that I sold "pet" fish. He thought he could come in and choose his dinner from the swimmers in my tanks

"Can Nemo go in my goldfish tank?"

"Can this here fish (yellow tang) go with my 'chicklets' (cichlids)?"

"Are any clownfishes good in freshwater?"

"I fed my oscar hot-dogs" (Does this make it an Oscar Mayer?)

"I want a Nemo and a Dory for my 3 year old. Do you have any tanks that don't need to be cleaned?"

"I was told that with this system (wet/dry) you never have to clean it."

"I have a 55 freshwater tank and my fish all died. Is there something I can just add to the water to change it to a saltwater tank?" (To which I replied that he needed to strip and empty the tank, refill it with DI saltwater and begin from scratch)... he asked me the same question 5 more times, and despite a bad case of laryngitis I replied the same way each time. He also didn't know why his fish died, nor did he care. When he asked for the 6th time, I was exhausted and my voice was totally gone, so I whispered, "I have answered that question already. Do you have another question?" The man left - he probably went back to Walmart to buy more freshies....

I've got a million of 'em. We get at *least* one brain-sucker every day.

Jenn

 

[JT]

Do what?

 

[clarionreef]

Perhaps it just runs in the whole culture;

Fresh from AOL news;

March 1) -- Americans apparently know more about "The Simpsons " than they do about the First Amendment.
Only one in four Americans can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment (freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and petition for redress of grievances.) But more than half can name at least two members of the cartoon family, according to a survey.

The study by the new McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum found that 22 percent of Americans could name all five Simpson family members, compared with just one in 1,000 people who could name all five First Amendment freedoms.

Joe Madeira, director of exhibitions at the museum, said he was surprised by the results.

 

[dizzy]

Jenn you forgot "allergy eater" and "scum sucker". :wink:

 

[JennM]

Yes I did forget about "allergy eater"! :lol:

Here they just call them "sucker fish" (plecostamus)

Don't forget about "assitinic" lights, often thought to be black lights.

Or "rassies" (wrasses); see also "rasps"... even heard them called "war-assies"

And the most hateful one of all, the mispronounciation of "Niger Trigger" (hint: it rhymes with trigger and it is a word that does not exist in my vocabulary but I've heard it too many times in this neck of the woods).

And there is also a fair segment of the population that outright refuses to learn even the common names of what they keep, and spend too much time on inaccurate descriptions of what they are discussing over the phone or in person, when trying to solve a problem. They often refer to the creatures by the pet names they have given the organisms and I have to play 20 questions to figure out what they are talking about. If they bought it from me I can use their purchase history as a "cheat sheet" to try to figure out what it is that they are talking about but if they bought it somewhere else, all bets are off. Each receipt contains a detailed list of what they purchased, but it seems that nobody reads receipts, or takes note of what they bought. Unfortunately that happens frequently - they make a (stupid) purchase someplace else, and when something goes wrong with it, they call me to bail them out.

Just before I went on vacation, a customer came in describing a creature his brother in law (who is also my client) purchased on a whim at another store - after the 20 questions and some pictures, we determined it was a sea apple... and the seller omitted to disclose that the creature had the potential to kill everything in his tank Fortunately the animal was removed and returned to the other vendor without incident. Of course it was offered up to me first, which I respectfully declined....

Ain't retail fun?

(Do what?)

Jenn

 

[clarionreef]

And...in California as well...
Do Personifier angels eat tubiflex worms?
Steve

 

[JennM]

Heh good ole' tubifLex worms...

And "brime scrimp", "meeeeeesis" scrimp (mysis shrimp), "silversLides"...

The list of linguistic butchery has no boundaries!

Oh yeah and Oh-silly'-rus clowns - thinkin' they're all sophisticated with talkin' the fancy Latin and all....

I'm sure I'll remember (or hear) some more as the day goes on.

Jenn

 

[Anonymous]

Try working at Connies Tropical Fish in East Oakland, several doors down from the 1st chapter house of the Hells Angels and in the thick of the Oakland Ghetto. Guffies and go-fish and the most popular item being sold (for feed of course), no wait, maybe the crack/pot dealer in the doorway sells the more popular items

 

[JennM]

Today's winner:

Person on the phone (I won't call him a customer because he's never set foot in my store that I'm aware of...)...

"Yeah, my fish tank is cloudy so I set up another tank and moved all the fish in it and now that water is cloudy."

Me (it took me 10 minutes to get a word in edgewise to ask this question - I'm posting the abridged version): "Is this a freshwater or saltwater tank?"

"Freshwater."

Me: "What size of tank is it?" (I'm pulling teeth now for information, he's not really that talkative about the important stuff...)

"10 gallon."

Me: "How many fish are in it?"

"Well, after all the ones that died, I have 7 left."

Me: "How long was this tank running before you placed 7+ fish in it?"

"Overnight"

Me: "Your water is probably cloudy because you put too many fish in it, too quickly and they are generating too much waste for the filter to handle so soon. Have you tested your water for pH, Ammonia or Nitrite?"

"Do what?"

Me:"Have you tested your water?"

"No."

Me:"If you'd like to bring in a water sample we can test it for you and make recommendations from there."

"Hmph..." *click* (Read: I'll just go back to Walmart and get more fish...)

The runner-up for today called to inform me that their pair of Clark's clowns were fighting and the female was beating up the male to the point where he was tattered and torn - what should they do?

Me: "Isolate the male until he heals, and treat him for secondary infections if need be." (Duh, genius!)

OH and the consolation prize for today goes to the caller who asked where we were located - directions were given and they asked if we are near a certain well-known restaurant, and we answered in the affirmative. The caller then gave us a blast for not stating that in our ads, because he's been reading them for a year, couldn't find us, and he hates to pick up the phone. DUH! If he went to said restaurant, he probably PARKED in front of my store because my #&^$ parking lot is always filled with the restaurant's customers!!!! :evil:

So I guess I'm supposed to advertise for the already-packed restaurant in my ads - for free of course. Then my customers would NEVER get a parking spot...

Oy vey!!!

Jenn

 

[JT]

DO WHAT?

 

[Anonymous]

:lol:

 

[Nautilus1]

About 15 years ago I worked in Retail fish store. I never forgot this one man.............

"My fish are drinking the water in the tank"

Me: Oh really, is the water level decreasing?

"Yes, yes it is! He stay at the surface all day drinking the water"

Me: Maybe there is not enough dissolved oxygen in the tank. Do you
have an airstone or other means of introducing air?

" No I dont, If I add oxygen to the tank, will they stop drinking the water?"

Me: No, I think your fish have a drinking problem, try AA.



Now this guy thought his fish were drinking the water which is funny as is. Marine fish wil drink water but come onman , no that much. But if they really were drinking the all the water , Where does he think the water they drink going?,It still would not leave the tank and cause the water level to decrease. Tooo funnny

 

[DBM]

Customer: "You sold me a sick fish and I want my money back".
Once in a while we'd get people coming in asking for "saltwater enemas".



Manager:" Do you have your receipt sir? How long ago did you buy it here?"

Customer:"3 months ago"

Manager:"We only have a 2 week guarantee on freshwater fish, and you need to bring the receipt in with the fish. Can you bring a water sample in next time you drop by so we can try and figure out if it's the water quality."

Customer:"Listen buddy, I've had fish tanks in my basement for 20 years - there's nothing wrong with my Hp, you sold me a sick Plecotomus"

He proceeds to get aggressive and throw the bag with the dead fish at the store manager, hitting him in the chest. The store manager can bench press 400 pounds and proceeded to evict the customer by threatening to "rip his spine out". LOL

Another customer came in one day and wanted his money back for a goldfish he bought from us. He had his receipt DATED 2 YEARS AGO! It was 3 times the size it was when purchased. Of course he insisted we sold him a sick fish.

 

[Anonymous]

Been told I gave them cyano, ich and hair algea when wprking in retial. All because I sold them a fish or coral?

Had RETAILERS tell me while in wholesale that I sent them two shrimp in a bag, AND ONE DIED. No matter it was clear, ahem, MOLT :lol: