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Old 04-12-2018, 08:00 AM
Senior Member
Paul B's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Hyde Park
Posts: 5,227
Reefer Ratings: (13 (100%)
Friends: (20)
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Bad Luck Fish story

I know I posted this before but Ilike it. If you don't or if you read it or are a snowflake or robot, don't read it, instead go and watch Oprah give away sea cucumbers to homeless WW1 Veterans.

I can't believe that there are so many problems in this rewarding
hobby. If you read through these forums you will read almost nothing
but problems and this is supposed to be a hobby. A hobby is supposed
to be fun. If you have been in this for 4 years and for 3 years and 6
months you see nothing but problems, perhaps this is not for you.
I hear stamp collecting is fun and there is absolutely no stress. I
feel bad for some members here.
Most posts go something like this:

Please help.
I came home yesterday and I knew something was wrong, The cleaning
lady, who I later found out is not really a cleaning lady, or even a
lady for that matter, was spralled out on the couch next to my dog, who
was speaking in tonges, the dog, not the lady. OMG I quickly ran to my reef tank but
tripped over something, it was my cat, who was moving his legs as if he was riding a bicycle.
When I finally got to the tank the lights were on, but very dim. I
realized the tank was dim because my new ORP controller that was behind
the tank, was on fire.
I quickly put out the fire and pulled the chain to put on the tank
lights. At first all seemed well but then I smelled something. I
sniffed around the tank but could not find the problem, then I noticed
the cleaning "lady" was standing behind me, with the cat.
The cleaning lady doesn't speak English, or any language that I could
tell, but in sign language she explained to me that my wife ran away
with Sam. Sam is our butcher, but my wife is a vegetarian.
Now it seemed that the only good thing was my reef tank so I got
comfortable in front of the tank and called for my other dog, "Lucky".
Lucky took a long time coming to me because lucky was born with only
one leg. And for some reason that leg always points north, no matter
which way Lucky is facing, that leg points north. As Lucky ran towards
me I heard that satisfying sound of his paw on the hardwood floor, "Ker
plunk" "Ker plunk" "Ker plunk".
He has a few other, not so serious health problems but he is a loving
pet. Lucky sat with me watching the tank. He sits with his back to
the tank because Lucky only has one eye, and it faces backward.
As me and Lucky were watching the tank, I noticed that my mandarin
seemed to be eating more pods than usual. I found this odd because
there are no pods in my tank. On closer inspection I noticed that they
were not pods, but lice. I then realized that the cleaning lady, who
has hair down to her knees which it is always wet, must have washed her
hair in the tank.
This cleaning lady came to us about 6 weeks ago, at first I thought she
was an envirnmentalist because she had three shopping carts with her,
filled to the brim with plastic bottles and cans. When I opened the
door the first thing I noticed was that she had on her right foot this
really beautiful Yves St Laurent high heel shoe. On her left foot was
a timberland boot. The Timberland boot had this sticky substance
oozing from the underside but I won't go into that right now.
I asked her if she knew anything about reef tanks, calcium reactors,
oxygenators, protein skimmers etc.
She nodded to all my questions so I invited her in. I quickly learned
she had this crick in her neck and nods constantly. As a matter of
fact, that is the only movement she can make above her waist. She
doesn't really have a waist but you get the idea.
Anyway I don't want to stray from my tank problem. As I said, the
mandarin was eating, lice, but he seemed to enjoy them. I searched for
the other tank inhabitants and noticed my two hermit crabs. One was
laying on his side, obviousely in distress. I put on my reading
glasses and took a closer look. He has varicose veins and probably a
little osteoporosis. The other crab seems fine and was sitting on a
roll of pennies. I wondered where the pennies came from until I saw a
wad of rolled up twenty dollar bills under the anemone, (who was dead)
The bills had a pink rubber band around them and I realized they were
from my dresser. The cleaning lady was probably stealing money from me
and hiding it in the tank. I was born at night, but not last night. I
put two and two together and figured that this cleaning lady might have
a problem.

Anyway, this is how many posts go on these fish forums. Can't we get
some happy posts like:
Yesterday Claudia Schiffer came to my door, she heard I have a reef
tank and just loves reef tanks, she also loves to clean and cook and
she owns a yacht.
Thats the type of posts I want to hear about.
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