Favorite One Liners :)

[Domboski]

I need some good laughs today as I crunch to meet a deadline. Post any funny one liners you like.

I'll start with one from Rodney Dangerfield:

"My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror"

 

[TOTAL AQUARIUMS]

Rodney Dangerfield is probably the best place to go for these lol.

"It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

 

[Domboski]

Rodney Dangerfield is probably the best place to go for these lol.

"It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

LMAO! I don't even remember this one. Too funny.

I'm sure there is some good Chris Rock lines out there too.

 

[asianer]

Size matters not. Look at me, judge me by my size do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not.

 

[LongIslandAndy]

George Carlin " It's okay to prick your finger, why is it wrong to finger your prick"

 

[asianer]

Hey boy, you look just like a hog. Come on piggy, give me a ride. Looks like we got us a sow here, instead of a boar. I bet you can squeal like a pig.

 

[asianer]

It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again. It puts the lotion in the basket.

 

[bigyankfan]

Here's a good Carlin line:

"You want to hear a frightening thought - look at the average person and then realize that, by definition, half of the people on the planet aren't even that smart".

 

[JHOV2324]

Drew stop before you hurt yourself...

 

[Tangs Rule]

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy and the tallest guy in the National Basketball Association is Chinese. - Chris Rock

 

[Domboski]

LMAO. Here is one of my favs:

Neighbor: "Where do you think your gonna put a tree that big?"

Clark W. Griswold: "Bend over and I'll show ya."

 

[Chiefmcfuz]

"Take my wife..................................... PLEASE!!"

 

[TimberTDI]

I use this on my workers when ever they eff up

Unknown Author: Did your parents have any children that lived?

 

[Chiefmcfuz]

" Hi, I'm earth, have we met?"

 

[CHEMCHEF]

Hey Lady. you must have been something,, before electricity
Rodney

 

[Dre]

Don't put off what you can do today for tomorrow because you might like it and want to do it again tomorrow.

 

[Bob 1000]

There's something you might not know about Joe Rogen,,," I smoke rocks"..
Dave Chapel

 

[DrGonzo]

Not sure if this counts but I love it. Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets said "Why don't you go sell crazy some place else, cause we all stocked up here."

 

[Chiefmcfuz]

"Where's the beef?"

 

[Chongpark27]

"Where's the beef?"

:lol::lol: