Favorite One Liners :)

[Dre]

Here's another one for the bathroom. Ladies when you tingle don't sprinkle. Men aim for the water not the seat.

 

[jarofsardines]

if you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat.

 

[bad coffee]

So this dyslexic walks into a bra.

Does Wayne Brady have to smack a b**ch?

B

 

[Deanos]

Incoming fire has the right of way.

 

[Chiefmcfuz]

Did I mention........................... "TAKE MY WIFE......................PLEASE!"

 

[Domboski]

LMAO

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.

 

[Dre]

If you assume you make an ass out of u and me .
Sadam spelt backwards Madas.

 

[TOTAL AQUARIUMS]

Private Pile, if god wanted you over this obstacle, he'd have miracled your ass up here by now!

I guess we can't all be astronauts... (usually in response to someone elses screw up)

... and to think, at one point, you were the strongest and fastest your dad had to offer..... (this one is a 2-fer)

 

[Domboski]

Private Pile, if god wanted you over this obstacle, he'd have miracled your ass up here by now!

I guess we can't all be astronauts... (usually in response to someone elses screw up)

... and to think, at one point, you were the strongest and fastest your dad had to offer..... (this one is a 2-fer)

How did we get this far without Full Metal Jacket Being Quoted? :lol2:

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked CRAP that high.

 

[Dre]

What you see here and what you hear here let it stay here.

 

[lanacane214]

one sperm asked another sperm,you think we got a long way to get to the ovaries?,the other sperm replies ,i think so were just passing the throat

 

[Domboski]

If winning isn't everything Why do we keep score?

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser

 

[masterswimmer]

If winning isn't everything Why do we keep score?

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser

2nd place is the first loser

 

[Domboski]

:lol2:

 

[Imbarrie]

Ive got nipples fokker.

Can you milk me?

 

[Tangs Rule]

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. - Zoolander

 

[Imbarrie]

Mitch Hedberg had great one one liners.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

 

[CHEMCHEF]

R.I.P. Mitch:frown:R.I.P.