duke62

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okay ladies ive been in this hobby now for 2 years and i cannot get my wife to even look at my aquarium never mind get into it with me.what would you suggest i should do to help me get her interested.i understand why she isnt in to other hobbies like hunting,sports or motorcycles.she has no hobbies other than reading historical romance books.any ideas will be appreciated
 

georgelc86

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Hey Duke, does she like animals in general. My girl wasnt completley into the hobby but I asked her to start helping me and picking out live stock and how she is starting her own tank. I know you were looking for womans opinions only but I figured I throw this out there anyway. The other thing too is that if she aint interested to not push the issue. Maybe the more you push the issue the more she may come to hate it and you don't want that.
 

NYreefNoob

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duke my wife dont like the hobby because of my infactuation with it and time spent on and with it, thought i loved my tank more then her since it got more attention then she did lol women dont like to share reguardless of what it is. plus it didnt help all i talked about was reef :tongue1: and sitting back i can see where her compaint is and reason for not liking it, but i do catch her looking at the tank
 

duke62

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Lol

Tell her there is a diamond in the tank somewhere

I WAS THINKING OF TELLING HER THAT THE CLAM I JUST GOT WILL PRODUCE A PEARL IF ITS CARED FOR THE RIGHT WAY.but seriously we got this tank around 10 years ago it started as a fresh water and we did that together.she would pick aggressive fish with peaceful fish and i would tell her she cant do that they will kill each other.she got annoyed and said i knew u werent going to let me pick the fish.ever since then id ask her to come and pick something out and she say no you wont let me get what i want.that was the end of that.
 

Killerdrgn

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I WAS THINKING OF TELLING HER THAT THE CLAM I JUST GOT WILL PRODUCE A PEARL IF ITS CARED FOR THE RIGHT WAY.but seriously we got this tank around 10 years ago it started as a fresh water and we did that together.she would pick aggressive fish with peaceful fish and i would tell her she cant do that they will kill each other.she got annoyed and said i knew u werent going to let me pick the fish.ever since then id ask her to come and pick something out and she say no you wont let me get what i want.that was the end of that.

Great way to start another tank BTW. Her tank with all her picks.
 

D1J8Z

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I WAS THINKING OF TELLING HER THAT THE CLAM I JUST GOT WILL PRODUCE A PEARL IF ITS CARED FOR THE RIGHT WAY.but seriously we got this tank around 10 years ago it started as a fresh water and we did that together.she would pick aggressive fish with peaceful fish and i would tell her she cant do that they will kill each other.she got annoyed and said i knew u werent going to let me pick the fish.ever since then id ask her to come and pick something out and she say no you wont let me get what i want.that was the end of that.


Ok so have her join you to a members house that you already know what you are interested in and have them tell you/her that is all I have for sale is this this and this ect and let her pick.... you cant loose you get what you want and she gets to think she picked it
 

Pinkheine

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I think either both of you love the hobby or you simply tolerate it for one another. Personally I have always enjoyed keeping some type of aquarium and so does he.

He didn't want the corals, I did. So we compromised. We did the fish only thing for about 7 years. Last year we set up the reef after we took down the other tank. We both decide what goes in the tank and where, sometimes it causes a lot of stress but for the most part there are so many possibilities they seem endless. And we still have some fish. Not the types that we both enjoy the most... but there are fish all the same.

Is there a specific reason why she must be interested with you?

If she isn't giving you a hard time or issues about keeping a reef than what is the harm if she isn't interested in it?

My suggestion to you is that if she isn't interested and doesn't give you a hard time, leave well enough alone. You'd have better luck trying to force a horse to drink than getting a woman to change her mind. :tongue1:
 

Awibrandy

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I'm curious to! Why does she have to enjoy your hobby?

You will definitely not get her to like it by forcing the issue.;) If anything she will pull further away from it.
It sounds like initially she did like it, but felt inadequate. Perhaps, she even thought you thought her to be dumb when she picked the wrong fish to coexist. Not that you did it on purpose just that sometimes men give off that impression.:)
It's the difference in the sexes that cause so much turmoil in relationships.LOL Hubby and I have been together for over 35 years now and I have to tell you misunderstandings never stop.;) So when I sense something is not right I ask for clearer words. You see we females(well some) are very careful not to hurt others feelings so we measure our words carefully where as males you tend to blurt out whatever is on your mind.
Have you asked if she truly doesn't care about the hobby, or if you have done something to push her away? In a nice and gentle way.;)
 

duke62

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well to tell ya the truth she does nothing but work,time with the kids,housework "mot that i dont help with it im cleaning the house right now" and watch tv.i want her to get into something that can take her mind off some of these things.i know when im involved with the tank bills,the economy,work and everyday worries go away.its a callming hobby i think she would enjoy it but she says she has enough in her life to do then waste time with FISH.
 

Awibrandy

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J, leave that woman alone!!hehe I think she has enough on her plate. Her romance novels and TV is enough for relaxation. Especially the novels, a good book can take you so far away.......

Once the kiddies are grown and gone maybe just maybe and if you are still in the hobby you can ask her to share your joy...;)
 

duke62

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well to tell ya the truth she does nothing but work,time with the kids,housework "mot that i dont help with it im cleaning the house right now" and watch tv.i want her to get into something that can take her mind off some of these things.i know when im involved with the tank bills,the economy,work and everyday worries go away.its a callming hobby i think she would enjoy it but she says she has enough in her life to do then waste time with FISH.
 

Awibrandy

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You're repeating yourself Jim!LOL That is how she and my granddaughters feel! And my grand is only 8 years old. I think it is a little jealousy thing going on.

Today, 02:52 PM
well to tell ya the truth she does nothing but work,time with the kids,housework "mot that i dont help with it im cleaning the house right now" and watch tv.i want her to get into something that can take her mind off some of these things.i know when im involved with the tank bills,the economy,work and everyday worries go away.its a callming hobby i think she would enjoy it but she says she has enough in her life to do then
Today, 03:12 PM
well to tell ya the truth she does nothing but work,time with the kids,housework "mot that i dont help with it im cleaning the house right now" and watch tv.i want her to get into something that can take her mind off some of these things.i know when im involved with the tank bills,the economy,work and everyday worries go away.its a callming hobby i think she would enjoy it but she says she has enough in her life to do then waste time with FISH.
waste time with FISH.
 

Pinkheine

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Togetherness is a wonderful thing. Especially if it is something that you both can equally enjoy. ;) hee hee. Seriously though, I see that you obviously are passionate about the hobby like the rest of us here and it is bothersome when someone says it is a "waste of time and money".

I know I immediately jump on the defensive when one of my family members give me crap about the tank and all the $$$ wasted in it. We have converted a few, but they couldn't handle the schedules needed to keep up.

If she honestly is very busy. Maybe just sit and enjoy looking at the tank with her over a good bottle of wine. Talk about what is in the tank etc. Does she really have to be directly involved with tank maintenance to enjoy the hobby with you?
 

Awibrandy

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Togetherness is a wonderful thing. Especially if it is something that you both can equally enjoy. ;) hee hee. Seriously though, I see that you obviously are passionate about the hobby like the rest of us here and it is bothersome when someone says it is a "waste of time and money".

I know I immediately jump on the defensive when one of my family members give me crap about the tank and all the $$$ wasted in it. We have converted a few, but they couldn't handle the schedules needed to keep up.

If she honestly is very busy. Maybe just sit and enjoy looking at the tank with her over a good bottle of wine. Talk about what is in the tank etc. Does she really have to be directly involved with tank maintenance to enjoy the hobby with you?


yeah, I stopped talking about my hobby with the family.;) I answer their questions honestly except for the; "how expensive is it?" one.LOL You see the only one that matters is my husband, (who foots the bill for this addiction) and he tells me he doesn't mind as long as it makes me happy. Besides he likes the tanks as well and how great it is for him that he has a wife that maintains them for him.LOL All he has to do is look at them and brag at work about his reef.ROFL He even ask me for pics to take to work to show peeps.

And "DITTO" on the share a bottle of wine in front of your reef on a quiet evening once the kiddies are asleep and compare how much more beautiful she is then all the beauty in that "glass box".;)
 

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